Best Shows of All Time

Listen here, friend: there’s nothing that bothers me more than when someone says “there’s nothing good to watch on tv”. It’s something I hear often and my reaction is generally the same. I pull out my phone, I open the Notes app, position my screen toward my next victim, and scroll for a comically long time through my “Best Shows of All Time” list. I finish it off by saying, “there is ALWAYS something good to watch because something is always being made. I add to this list frequently. Want me to give you access?”

I think I have shared the list with about 30 people at this point and I always feel warm when someone reports to me that they love a show I recommended. The shared note is starting to glitch as I add more people to it, so I figured this was a great way to reach more people :)

Different genres call for different benchmarks, so let’s start out with my favorite genre: comedy. I’ve watched my favorite comedies with my partner David, so I really owe the logic behind this criteria to my viewing experiences with him. David and I (but mostly, I) have this terrible habit of having to fall asleep with the TV on, and we’re very particular about what we have playing. In my experience, what I have on tv totally affects the dreams I’m having.

In my pre-David cable tv days, I loved tuning in to Nick at Nite because they played reruns of Full House, Friends, Family Matters, and The George Lopez Show — nothing woke me in a confused, tranquil state quite like hearing the orchestrations of Low Rider, while seeing the glow of George Lopez jumping mid air on my tv. I sadly fell victim to the scary movie trailers that Nick eventually started playing during commercial breaks. Mix that with the Mexican belief that 3:00am is the devil’s hour, and you have me lying on my side, wide eyed, with a blanket over my head. I eventually switched to exclusively putting on Disney Channel while I slumbered well into my adult years — the scariest commercials they played were ads for Zombies 3, a kids science fiction movie musical.

When I made the jump from cable to streaming, I started paying a pretty penny to be completely ad free which has allowed me and David to be more selective with our viewing choices. Despite scary movie trailers being a thing of the past, we still default to comedy because we prefer to go to sleep giggling! This nightly choice, though seemingly insignificant, was the starting point for my ranking system — comedies specifically.

My comedy rankings follow a simple, yet strict criteria.

1. Scale of laughability

   1. How many times does it make me laugh each episode? I’m not talking about flashing a smile here and there. Do I have to rewind because I’ve missed the next line because I’m still laughing? That’s usually a good indicator.

2. Rewatchability

   1. Do I catch a new joke with each rewatch because it’s THAT good (I’m looking at you, Gilmore Girls)? How many times can I rewatch it and still laugh? A one and done doesn’t do it for me. I want to hear myself inevitably exclaim “I forgot how funny this shit is” to David through a laugh-induced cramped stomach. Now those are the shows that make it to the coveted bedtime line up.

Easy peasy, right? A few more things to note though: the shows that make it on the list will never fall below a 7 in ranking. I think about it the same as the American grading system: if it’s below 70% it’s not bad, it’s just probably not making the Dean’s list. Here’s a breakdown of what the ratings mean:

• 7/10 - got a few great laughs, but maybe not as consistently episode to episode. I might rewatch a few episodes once or twice. Probably not making it to the bedtime show rotation but its worthy of recommendation.

• 8/10 - most shows with this ranking have some sort of unique “thing” about them and that’s how they get bumped from being a 7. Maybe it's the time period it’s set in, the sub genre it falls under, or the breaking of the fourth wall that sets it apart from the rest. All in all, it gives us a few great laughs with consistency across all episodes, and I might rewatch it as a whole once or twice. Probably not making it to the bedtime show rotation but still worthy of recommendation

• 9/10 - my nines are damn near perfect. I have (or plan on) rewatching them quite a few times and their jokes have infiltrated mine and David’s inside jokes and daily references (picture me and David saying “in the clurb, we all fam” on a random Tuesday). A 9 will be short of a 10 if the show is still in its infancy/cut off too early (2 seasons or less) or if the show has slightly declined in its scale of laughability. This show will likely make it to the bedtime show rotation.

• 10/10 - the myth, the legend herself. I consider 10s to be perfect (for me). I constantly rewatch them and still lose it. They have effectively rotted my brain for the best. Oddly, I’ll first describe them to people as “so fucking stupid, I love it”.

*There are .5 ratings. This is usually if a show is almost to the next ranking in my mind. Only time can determine if it jumps up or down.

Alright, I think we’ve covered comedy ratings far more extensively than anyone would like. Now we move to dramas. I would be remiss to not give David credit once again for the logic behind this next ranking criteria. David and I clearly love comedies but we also love something juicy that makes our post show discussions feel like chisme.

My drama ratings follow these 3 rules

1. It prompts discussion

   1. Some of my favorite dramas are ones where it takes me 3 hours to get through a 45 minute episode. David inevitably laughs in defeat when I pause only 5 minutes in to discuss what we’ve watched. It’s the kind of conversation that feels like your mouth can’t move fast enough to keep up with your brain — the kind that bursts out like word vomit and has you thinking “wow, what I just said was actually really smart”.

2. I’m thinking about it for a LONG time after

   1. How long am I thinking about it after? 1 week or 1 year? Am I scouring the internet for every cast/crew interview, watching every video essay, and able to rattle off quick IMDb trivia to anyone passing by? The best dramas can give you so much and simultaneously leave you begging for more.

3. I have an undying desire to experience it for the first time again

   1. Everyone remembers their first, if you know what I mean ;) Unlike comedies, great dramas aren’t something I can usually rewatch, so it feels unfair to hold them all to this standard. There are a select few that allow you to go deeper with each rewatch but I digress. More times than not, a great drama will have me oozing with jealousy over a friend who is watching the show for the first time.

Just like my comedies, my drama ratings never make the list if they’re below a 7. Without further ado, here is the breakdown for my ratings and what they mean:

• 7/10 - I’ve paused a few times briefly throughout each episode to ask David what he thinks about a certain situation our characters are dealing with, and we generally agree on everything. I might be thinking about this drama for a few days to a week after and have a desire to experience a few moments of the show for the first time again.

• 8/10 - my eights distinguish themselves by having standout acting from one or more cast members — such acting that ensures you’ll be tuning in to their next project. I may pause a few times each episode but each discussion will progressively get longer. I might be thinking about my 8 for a few weeks after watching, and would love to experience certain episodes for the first time again

• 9/10 - Pauses during the show for discussion are long, but clearly not long enough because I am talking about the nines at work the next day with my coworkers. I am fantasizing for months about another season or randomly discussing the show with David long after its end if there is no next season. I think often about my first watch through with fondness, nostalgia, and longing.

• 10/10 - it’s a cultural moment (at least for me). My love for the tens become my personality trait and I reference my favorite lines/moments with everyone in my life. I can tell you a story about where I was and how I reacted to watching it for the first time and would do anything to do it again. I am thinking about the tens on the daily — they have fully infiltrated my mind.

I would like to finish this off by stating that no show is safe — I have been known to remove shows from the list if they do not stand the test of time (ex: a comedy that loses rewatchability over time). Your girl has standards and she does not compromise them!

Well, that just about sums it up. Now choose your adventure.